You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
