Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
