If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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