I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize