i need an iv and a liver transplant
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
