I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
