No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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