i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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