I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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