I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
