i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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