Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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