If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
In America we eat man semen.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
