So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
