Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
