The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
