My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
