i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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