Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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