i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
