I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
