he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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