one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just had sex on a roof
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
