actually, I'm a sock model
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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