you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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