I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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