I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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