Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
