Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
