If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize