Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
