HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
