i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
