How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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