theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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