this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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