she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
