That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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