Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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