can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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