yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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