Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
