If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
