for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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