Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
