the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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