You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize