She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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