He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize