Will you blow on my dice?
She announced her abortion via fbk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize