I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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