I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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