Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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