Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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