They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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