Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
