There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
