I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize