i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
