so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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