Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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