I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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