Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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