so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
