Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
A bitchslap is in order.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
