I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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