Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
